I'm reading the book "Forgotten God" by Francis Chan, mainly because I'm trying to have a deeper understanding of the Holy Spirit because I grew up in a church that never spoke of him. But, it's also part of my recommitment to spend time intentionally focused on God everyday.
I tend to put God on the backburner when life gets crazy busy, and then I wake up wondering where He went and why I feel so lost. Well, He didn't go anywhere, I did. I figure if I make sure I'm intentionally focusing on Him everyday, then I'm more likely to see and experience Him unintentionally as well.
So, I'm reading and here comes this passage:
"Most church-goers are content to find a bit of peace rather than a 'peace of God which surpasses all understanding' (Phil 4:7). We want just enough peace to survive the week (or perhaps even the day)."
Well, Francis Chan, good job. You hit the nail on the head.
For the last year (ok, maybe longer) I have been in survival mode. My prayers have been, "God get me to 5:00 today, God get me through this session, God just help me make it to Friday..." And yes, sometimes, that was all I could muster to ask for in the moment. I was so hurt and so lost that I could only see to the end of the hour.
But, that's not all God can muster. He's more than capable to get me through more than just a day. In fact, he is yearning to pass on His peace to me. A peace that extends beyond the reaches of the world or the devil who is trying to run it. And here I am, putting God in a box. Not asking for the deepest peace, either because I lack the faith He can really give it, or the self-worth to believe I can have it.
Can you imagine peace like that? Of course not, that's why it surpasses all understanding. But, man do I crave it. So, some things need to happen. First of all, I need to expect it. I need to be expectant that God is going to do amazing, wonderful things, beyond my comprehension. A smart man named Dr. Rackley led a devotional series on that. I promise I was paying attention then, it's just taken on a whole new meaning now. Second of all, I need to be longing for my God the way I long for peace. Because He is peace. And part of my discontent is that I've let myself get so far away from Him. I'm not going around leading a sinful or un-Godly life, but I'm not pursuing him as much as I could be either. I've been pursuing the mission, not Him. And as I long for God, and strive to know Him, he will continue to show me who I am, through His eyes. And there is my worth. He is who makes me worthy, and no one can take that away.
He is all I need. And honestly, that surpasses my understanding too. I'm a recovering performance- based control-freak. And sometimes I slip into my old ways and the idea of someone loving me, not based on what I can do, or how I look, or how I make them feel, completely blows my mind. It completely surpasses my limited understanding. He loves me. Just for me, because He made me perfect (Hebrews 10:14). Real love. Unconditional love.
Mind. Blown.
Heart. Full.
He also has patience that surpasses all understanding. Because no matter how many times I look up realize I've drifted, He's still there, welcoming me back, shaking his head at my silliness for trying to do it on my own again. I really don't get patience like that. I mean, if you've ever ridden in a car with me, you know patience is not my strongest spiritual gift... ( I blame some of it on Arkansas drivers. They don't have to take a test to get a license and it shows. Most of them don't know what a blinker is. Or a gas pedal...)
Anyway, I'm not going to pursue peace, because that sounds counter productive. But I am pursuing God, and the Spirit, and that's pretty much the same thing. And I will mess up and I will get distracted and my old ways will try to take over, and then God will remind me, Silly child, you aren't meant to do it alone.
Because we weren't created to do it alone. We need Him. We need each other.
Cheers
