Turn it Off!!

It's been a while since I posted. Whatever. You expected more?

I ran away this weekend. Straight up ran to the woods for some peace and quiet. Life had officially reached a decibel that I couldn't tolerate anymore. I ran to Mountain Thyme B&B in Jessieville, AR. You should go there.

It was the most peaceful, relaxing experience I have ever had. I made about 3 pots of tea, read an entire book, hiked until it started raining, laid in the hammock till I got too cold, read by the fire until I got too hot, fell asleep on the porch swing and stayed in the jacuzzi tub far longer than I'd like to admit. I journaled. I prayed. And it was quiet enough that I actually heard back when I did.

Sometimes, life gets too loud and you have to say enough is enough and turn it off for a while.

Now, it's no secret I'm a therapist. And I see the world and the people in it through my little therapist lens. Trust me, I wish I could turn it off sometimes just as much as the people around me do. That's why most of my friends are therapists. We are the only ones that can tolerate each other. I can't watch movies without seeing trauma. I can't listen to love songs without hearing codependency. I mean, I asked my boyfriend on our second date if he had ever looked at pornography. Who does that?? I'm surprised he didn't run away right then.

The problem is, I can spend too much time looking through my therapy lens and forget that I have my own story of hurt and trauma. Yes, I'm a therapist. But there is still a part of me that is a hurt little girl. And I tend to ignore her. I take care of other people because I can see their pain and I know how to help. And I figure I can always take care of myself later, because I should know how. And yes, that is pretty close to the definition of codependency.

I wish I could turn my therapy lens off for a while and see the world the way I used to. It was easier then.

Then again, it wasn't. Now that I know what living life fully and experiencing people fully feels like, I can't go back. It's like saying McDonald's chicken nuggets are my favorite food. They were when I was 5. Then, around age 18, I discovered grilled salmon and it is so much better than chicken nuggets! Chicken nuggets are still good, but I'll take grilled salmon over them any day.

It's all about balance. I can take care of myself and still be there for others when they need me to be. I can find peace in a world of noise without having to run away.

But a reset helps from time to time.

Run away to the woods, gather yourself, see God more obviously so that He's easier to see and hear and feel when He's not so obvious.

I suggest making sure there's tea. And a hammock. And a jacuzzi tub is a pretty sweet bonus.... not gonna lie.

Cheers!